Personal development
A positive approach
With our celebrity-obsessed culture putting children under enormous pressure to look a certain way, parents need to ensure that their child’s body image doesn’t become a negative one. Caroline Pearce explains how
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Like every generation’s teenagers, today’s young people are faced with a whole host of challenges. In particular, contemporary youngsters would be hard pressed to avoid constant references to their appearance within our media-saturated culture. Pressure to look a certain way – for example, thinner, blonder or more muscular – affect children of both genders and all ages. These demands can exacerbate potentially crippling anxieties.
A recent television documentary showed 10-year-old Sasha obsessed with her looks to the point that she regularly uses hair extensions, false nails and spray tans in order to make herself “beautiful”. She does not count children she considers to be fat or ugly among her friends and she constantly counts calories to avoid becoming overweight, which would make her – as she sees it – unpopular.
Another child profiled in the documentary, Emma, aged 14, also related her weight directly to her popularity. As a result, she developed anorexia and ended up dangerously ill when her weight plummeted to below five stone. Fifteen-year-old Danielle, meanwhile, continues to use sunbeds in spite of her full knowledge of the risks – and of her mother’s recent skin cancer scare. Danielle claims to be “addicted to having a nice tan”, as it makes her feel good about herself. “Without good looks,” Danielle says, “you don’t get noticed.”
If our children are being driven to such extremes in order to fit in with culturallyprescribed ideas of beauty, how can we assist them in countering unproductive influences? The first thing, says Dr Amanda Jones, Senior Lecturer in the Sociology of Sport and Physical Education at the University of Bedfordshire, is to be aware of our own actions as parents. We should be conscious of the influence we, as well as other significant adults, have on our children.
“Throwaway comments by parents, teachers or sports coaches can trigger unhealthy behaviour. For example, comments like ‘you would run faster if you lost a few pounds’, or ‘the red one makes you look bigger’ have been found to be the trigger that subsequently leads to unhealthy behaviour.
“The problem in our society,” says Dr Jones, “is that if a person doesn’t fit into a certain category, alarm bells ring. People want to fit in and sometimes engage, unknowingly at first, in dangerous ritualistic behaviour in order to try and do so.”
An interest in fashion, make-up and contemporary culture is a typical part of growing up and exploring different identities. But, says Dr Jones, problems occur in extreme cases when “a lack of empowerment and the quest for the body beautiful can also take the form of excessive exercise to the point that the child never sits still in order to use up calories.”
Not just girls
While many girls feel pressured to be what may be described as thin and pretty, boys are also not immune. Jack, aged 13, was bullied at school for being overweight. After his parents stepped in and spoke to the head teacher and to the father of one of the bullies, things improved.
“Most of the boys at school are quite slim, and I didn’t like getting teased about my weight,” Jack says. However, his core belief has stood him in good stead: “I think that a nice personality is more important than looks,” he says – and he has developed plenty of strong friendships that prove his point. Lots of the boys at Jack’s school work hard at developing a “six-pack” in order to appear muscular and attractive to others, but Jack believes that isn’t what matters.
Good eating habits
Parents need to take care to model good eating habits. “Family patterns can be a huge influence,” says Dr Jones. “When a parent is on a diet, for example, it is likely that children will learn not only that this is an accepted part of our culture, but also to be self-critical and dissatisfied with various parts of their own bodies.”
Dieting can be medically necessary, for example when a parent is obese or has a weight-related illness, but Dr Jones is concerned that dieting can create “good” and “bad” foods, along with a “reward” and “punishment” system of behaviour, for example, when a dieter allows herself a favourite dessert because she has been “good” all week.
“How many times,” says Dr Jones, “have you heard an adult say that they’ve had a bad day, which justifies them having a bar of chocolate?” She believes that the loss of the traditional family mealtime has had an adverse effect. “Eating needs to become more of a social and fun event where families sit down together and eat the same foods for dinner. That way, children can learn about the benefits and drawbacks of each type of food, and become empowered to make their own, good decisions.
“It’s also crucial that there is no attachment of guilt or comfort to eating. Preventing a child from having dessert unless she has eaten her vegetables only gives out the message that the desserts are the better food.”
It is equally important to be aware of exercising the right amount of parental control, as a child who feels excessively controlled is likely to react against it. Debbie, mother of nine-year-old Harriet, admits that – in common with many other parents – she started using sweets as a reward for good behaviour when Harriet was a toddler, never really giving much consideration to the long-term consequences. “But Harriet has become overweight and I’m concerned about her long-term health,” says Debbie.
“She’s old enough to understand that sweets and chocolate aren’t good for her, but she won’t listen. She eats them in secret and I often find wrappers in her bedroom.” Behaviour that has become entrenched is clearly very difficult to unlearn. “I really didn’t know what to do about it,” says Debbie. “The constant battles about it just seemed to make her behaviour worse.”
Building self-esteem
As parents, many of us will try to boost our children’s confidence, balancing compliments about their appearance with stressing the importance of personality over looks. Focusing on a child’s strengths, for example, commenting on their helpfulness around the house or musical proficiency can go a long way to building their self-esteem. “We’ve learned to give Harriet more praise for the things she does well, rather than criticism for the things she does badly,” says Debbie. “Ever since the whole family went to hear her play at a piano recital, she has seemed happier and more confident.
And I’m taking a cookery class with her, which will give us some time together and, I hope, teach her something constructive about what she puts into her body.” There is also professional help available. The Body Talk workshop (see box, below) provides two short DVDs showing how photos of models are airbrushed and manipulated to create illusions. Viewing the DVDs helped 15- year-old Lydia to see how photos are often airbrushed and distorted, presenting unrealistic images of “perfection”.
Lydia has seen what she describes as “super-thin” catwalk models and actresses on television and in magazines and now she cannot help but wonder: “What do they eat – or not eat – and what products do they use to look like that?” She does not harbour any grave concerns over her own appearance beyond what might be considered a usual teenage response: “I’m on the small side, so I don’t feel I have to lose weight or anything. But I hate my thighs. Sometimes I think they’re really obese, but everyone has fat days. “Anyway, you don’t need to be thin to be pretty. Fat or thin makes no difference. There’s nothing wrong with being fat, but I’d rather not be.”
Cultural perceptions
It is important to help young people recognise that there are great differences in cultural perceptions of beauty. What is considered “‘beautiful” in one part of the world, may be viewed as ordinary or even unappealing in another.
All parents should be teaching their children to embrace differences and to understand that every person should be made to feel valued and important. As Dr Jones comments, whereas in much of western culture thinness is valued, “in Tonga, size zero women are considered ugly”.
For more information, contact: Website: www.direct.gov.uk
National Centre for Eating Disorders
Website: www.eating-disorders.org.uk
Website: www.nhsdirect.org
Body talk Body Talk is a workshop developed as part of the Real Beauty educational series by BEAT (Beating Eating Disorders) and the Dove Self-Esteem Fund. Body Talk aims to help young people build positive selfesteem by understanding and dealing with feelings about physical appearance. Its materials are used in school workshops to raise issues for discussion. Any interested parent or educator can request a free copy. Communication is a powerful tool in affecting our self-esteem in either a positive or a negative way. Just as teasing about someone’s appearance can affect them, focusing on a child’s strengths will help them develop confidence, independence and resourcefulness. For more information, visit:
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