Personal development
Tackling trauma
How can you help your child to deal with the emotional distress that an unexpected trauma can bring? Caroline Pearce looks at the options parents can take
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Most children experience emotional distress at some point, whether triggered by bullying at school, friction in family relationships, death of a loved one or the upheaval of moving to a new area and leaving friends behind. Others may encounter rarer ordeals such as a vehicle accident or physical attack, or are faced with the diagnosis of a serious illness. Whereas some children may appear to sail through such events relatively unscathed, there are those who will suffer from symptoms of trauma that can manifest themselves immediately, or take time to do so.
“My family was involved in a horrific motorway accident,” says 38-year-old Jane, from North London. “Our car was a write-off and we were lucky to have survived. At first, I was pleased with the way that our son [Matthew, aged four] handled the situation. We talked an awful lot about the accident, explaining to him that such things happen sometimes and emphasising the most important fact that essentially we were all fine.” It was not until a few days later that Matthew showed signs of trauma when his parents discovered that he was particularly upset by the glass that had shattered all around him. “He needed reassurance every time he got into the car,” Jane continues. “He was anxious and worried about whether his eyes ought to be open or closed. Somehow he had the idea that if he had kept his eyes shut, the accident may have been prevented.”
Symptoms such as these can be short-lived, or can extend for months and even years. Other examples include bed-wetting, wanting to sleep in the parents’ bedroom, or other behavioural changes, such as displays of aggression. Fortunately, there are many tools available for the concerned parent to assist in preparing a child for life’s difficulties, and in recognising and addressing the effects of trauma should they occur.
What resources can you give your child to deal with trauma?
The best way to protect a child from the potential effects of a traumatic incident is to give him or her the coping tools when they are very young, says British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP) accredited counsellor Jackie Gess. A child with an inner sense of security is as well equipped as a person can be to cope with trauma. “Make sure you look your child in the eyes, smile at them often and give them unconditional love,” says Gess.
What should you do if your child is traumatised?
“Matthew continued to feel that he needed to shut his eyes each time he went in the car,” says Jane. ”While I spent a couple of weeks feeling buoyant that we were alive, Matthew was still very worried. We kept on reassuring him, though, telling him that it was okay to keep his eyes open or to shut, however he wanted and after a few weeks, his anxiety seemed to pass.”
Although there is much conflicting data on how to treat trauma, it is important to remember that shock, anxiety and confusion are normal reactions to a set of extraordinary circumstances, and that humans are actually very resilient. The best form of help can come from supportive friends and family, says Phillip Hodson, a fellow of the BACP. “Not everyone suffers in the same way, and most people who suffer get by in their own way.” Further advice from Jackie Gess includes not to, under any circumstances, re-traumatise the child by revisiting the site where it occurred.
“It is also helpful to recognise that our bodies are designed to respond to distress in certain ways,” explains Gess, so if, for example, a child complains of digestive problems or has sleep disturbances for a period of time, you need not be alarmed.
However, she says: “If after three or four weeks of calm reassurance your child’s behaviour has not returned to normal, you may want to seek outside help.” A critical factor in the child’s return to his or her usual patterns of behaviour is how the parent handles the situation, which can be a challenge as it is often he or she who needs more help than the child.
“My husband was diagnosed as suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder after the accident,” says Jane, “and he had to take time off work. But just being around the family and staying close to us helped him to get through it – and it was good for the children that we all spent that time together.” Maintaining a sense of normality by, for example, sticking to established household routines, can also be helpful – and make sure you keep children informed about the situation. A common complaint heard by counsellors from children is of feeling left out of what is happening.
Play therapy Diana Bard is a member of the British Association of Play Therapists (BAPT), and specialises in helping children who have experienced trauma, as well as helping to prepare children for an upcoming event such as a move to an adoptive family. “Play therapy is particularly useful for pre-verbal youngsters who have not yet acquired the skills to communicate their feelings verbally,” Bard says. Symbolism is used, with toys such as small doll characters being moved around by the child to create a story through which the therapist can help draw out the child’s feelings. Each session is child-led, so the child decides what to do and how to use the materials. “Consistency”, Bard says, “is the key to play therapy. It is crucial that each session takes place in the same location, with the same materials, set out in exactly the same way. This helps the child to feel they are in a safe environment.” Play therapists are registered with BAPT, and usually employed on a private basis. However, they are occasionally employed by hospices, schools or local authorities. For more information on the British
Association of Play Therapists:
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Where can you get help?
There are many types of resources and approaches available, some offered free through the NHS or charities, and some fee-paying. A good starting point would be to see your GP, who may refer your child to an NHS counsellor or local voluntary organisation for talking therapy. A hospital, or your local community mental health team, may also refer your child for counselling or therapy. What is available on the NHS will vary a great deal from place to place, and there will often be a waiting list as NHS therapy is in short supply in some areas.
There are a number of different sorts of talking therapy. The most common in the NHS are counselling, cognitivebehaviour therapy and psychoanalytic or psychodynamic psychotherapy. Qualified professionals in the NHS who provide talking therapies include psychologists, psychiatrists, counsellors and psychotherapists, although social workers and nurses may offer them. In some cases, the counsellor will see your child at the surgery.
Many voluntary organisations provide low-cost or free counselling services. Although most talking therapists work privately and can be expensive, some will offer a sliding scale based on your income. Phillip Hodson recommends talking to several therapists before you decide which one is right for your child. Make sure your chosen therapist is a member of a recognised professional body, such as the BACP, which supplies information on how to find a therapist, how to evaluate a therapist, what is reasonable to expect and what approaches a particular therapist will use.
Insist on an assessment before committing to see them, says Hodson. “In effect, you will be auditioning the therapist. If you don’t like them, go and find someone else.” Jackie Gess agrees. “Every therapy is essentially the same,” she says. “It is the therapist’s relationship with the individual that is most important, not the latest new therapy on the block.”
When Jane’s insurance company advised counselling, she thought at first she did not need it. However, walking the children home from school one day, she witnessed a car accident – an event that sent her into a hysterical state. “The insurance company was very helpful,” she says, “and I went for a few sessions of behavioural cognitive therapy. It helped me to recognise my anxiety and deal with it.”
For more information on the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP): Tel: 0870 443 5252 Website: www.bacp.co.uk
The complementary approach Californian Brandon Bays developed The Journey after her doctors recommended that she have a large tumour surgically removed. A few weeks after her diagnosis, the tumour had disappeared without medical intervention, which Bays attributes to the natural healing power of The Journey. Its practitioners believe it helps to access deep-seated memories, getting to the emotional source of a physical problem. After reading a book about The Journey and successfully dealing with her own post-traumatic stress disorder, Suzanne Franklin decided to become a practitioner. As with play therapy, The Journey works like a story. Guided by the therapist, the patient is able to access a memory attached to the emotion that is causing discomfort. “By acknowledging the negative emotion,” says Suzanne, “the body is given permission to feel it, and this in turn helps it to go away.” Young children, who may have difficulty describing feelings, are encouraged to use colours to explain their emotions. Suzanne says: “The Journey is about giving children a safe place in which they can empty out words and feelings.” Just one three to four-hour session can be sufficient to tackle the problem. For more information, visit: www.thejourney.com |
