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Beating the bullies
Bullying may take a number of different forms, but the results are always devastating. how do you recognise if your child is being bullied – and what can you do to make sure it stops?
Most of us have come across a bully at some point in our lives: perhaps at school, in the workplace or at home. Rational thinking tells us that bullies are usually cowards and that they are to be ignored. But it is too easy to underestimate how much power a bully can wield over a school child and how impossible it is for a youngster to escape from the role of victim.
Bullying can take a number of different forms. Most commonly, it is a verbal torment where the bully indulges in name-calling, sarcasm or spreading rumours. Emotional bullying might involve excluding or ridiculing the victim. It can be a physical torment, being pushed around and hurt; or it can be racist, or sexual bullying. If your child tells you anything that makes you suspect there is a bullying problem, take your child seriously and do some further investigating. It may be that nothing has been said, but unusual behaviour leads you to suspect that something is amiss. There are many signs that could indicate a bullying problem:
School
- Fear of the journey to school, or being at school
- Underachieving in school work
Health
- Feeling ill in the morning (especially if they are absolutely fine later)
- Sleeping badly or having nightmares
- Becoming anxious or withdrawn, with no appetite
- Unexplained cuts and bruises
- Attempting suicide
Money/belongings
- Coming home with ruined or missing belongings
- Losing dinner money or pocket money
- Behaviour
- Refusing to discuss a possible problem
- Beginning to bully others
- Becoming aggressive in behaviour or unreasonable
- Giving improbable excuses for unusual circumstances
As a parent, you should follow your instinct and try to get to the bottom of any suspicion you may have. Bullying can have terrible consequences, such as depression, low self-esteem, poor academic achievement, or even, in the worst cases, attempted suicide.
Ask your child, directly, whether he is being bullied and do not be put off the trail by an initial denial. Phrasing it gently such as “are other children upsetting you?” can help.
Signs to look out for Children may:
If you are concerned, talk to your child and then with the school. Kidscape – Keep them Safe booklet |
What can a parent do to
help?
There are two courses of action to take:
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1. Try to solve the
immediate problem
without over-reacting
It is natural for a parent to feel anger,
confusion and guilt when confronted with
a problem such as this, but upsetting the
people who could help you sort it out, or
causing your child further embarrassment
would not be the answer.
If your child is prepared to talk to
you, do not promise to keep the issue a
secret, but offer lots of reassurance that
the problem will get better now it has been
aired. Keep a diary yourself, or encourage
your child to keep one, of events as they
unfold. This could be useful evidence.
Most schools take bullying very
seriously these days. The Department
for Education and Skills (DfES) has told
schools:
- Never ignore suspected bullying
- Don’t make premature assumptions
- Listen carefully to all accounts
- Adopt a problem-solving approach
- Follow up repeatedly and check bullying has not resumed
Teach children to:
No one deserves to be bullied. We should value and encourage individuality, not bully children because they are different. |
Schools are legally required to hold policy guidelines on bullying, so there should be a strategy in place that you can tap into. First of all, tell your child’s class teacher and ask for his or her advice as to how the problem should be tackled.
Follow this up to make sure that something is done immediately, such as providing more supervision in the playground or corridors, depending on where the problem occurs. If this course of action does not produce the results you want, try the following chain of command:
- Chair of governors
- Formal complaint to LEA
- Local Government Ombudsman
- Local MP
- Secretary of State
- Legal Action. This is a last resort and a most difficult route. You need to make sure you have ample evidence of mental or physical harm, backed up with letters to and from school and comprehensive medical reports.
Is teasing part of growing up?Teasing among people is an inevitable fact of life, and children can be initiated into this kind of behaviour from a young age. Children cope with teasing in a variety of ways – for some it is pure teasing and it just rubs off of them, others may stand up to it and ask the teaser to stop, for yet others it may be hurtful and uncalled for. If teasing becomes aggressive and continuous and without regard for the person being teased, the action is regarded as bullying. What is Bullying? How does it differ from teasing?Bullying is more than one single act of aggression. Another criteria is an imbalance in strength between the victim and the one doing the bullying; someone who feels the need to defend themselves. Bullying can be open attacking or social isolation/exclusion. The behaviour of bullies is an on-going pattern of physical and psychological abuse, which is threatening, coercive, relentless and leaves the victim feeling powerless. Could my child become a bully?Children who become bullies have:
What kind of child is likely to be a victim?
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2. Give your child strategies to cope
- In the meantime, try to help your child make more or firmer friends for moral support by inviting children round to play. Talk to these children’s parents and ask them to talk about bullying to their children so they are more able to offer support and understanding
- If your child is a perpetual victim, try to find out how your child reacts to others. Perhaps they don’t know how to talk or play. Help develop social skills through role-play – pretend you are another child. Help to work out acceptable responses to bullying tactics. Help your child to feel in control
- Take your child to the doctor who can monitor health, or offer counselling
- Put an older child in touch with organisations such as Kidscape (see below), where there is lots of information from people who have experienced bullying at first hand
- Constantly reassure your child that the problem will go away, encourage confidence and self-respect, and explain that everyone has a right to be safe.
For further information contact:
Kidscape
Tel: 020 7730 3300
Website: www.kidscape.org.uk
2 Grosvenor Gardens
London SW1W 0DH
Anti-Bullying Campaign
Tel: 020 7378 1446
Childline
Tel: 0800 1111
Website: www.childline.org.uk
Parentline
Tel: 0808 800 2222
The Children’s Legal Centre
Tel: 01206 873 820
Website: www.bullying.co.uk
Children as young as 11 are victims of
new mobile bullying phenomenon
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One in 10 children across Great Britain have felt threatened or embarrassed by mobile bullying carried out with a camera phone, reveals research by children’s charity NCH and Tesco Mobile.
Seventeen per cent of those who have been affected by mobile bullying in this way – aged 11 to 19 – say they believe the images were also sent to other people. The report, “Putting U in the Picture”, shows that one in five young people have been bullied or threatened via their mobile phone or computer.
Mobile bullying is the biggest problem. A total of 14% have been bullied or threatened via text message – almost three times more than those who have been bulled over the internet and nearly four times as many as those who have been bullied by e-mail. Tesco Mobile has joined forces with leading children’s charity NCH to tackle the problem of mobile bullying. Together, they have launched an interactive website – www.stoptextbully.com – that gives advice and support for young people affected by this issue.
Tesco Mobile has also launched a text-back service to provide another way for young people to find out where to get help with mobile bullying. Mobile users just text the word BULLY to 60000 to receive a message with advice on how to get support.
The survey also reveals that:
- More than one in 10 young people admitted they have sent a bullying or threatening text message to someone else
- Half of all text bullying or threatening behaviour happens to youngsters while they are in school or college. Those young people not in school or college are most likely (42%) to fall victim to this behaviour after 9pm
- More than a quarter (26%) did not know who was bullying them via their mobile phone
NCH’s new technology advisor John Carr says: “For a child or teenager being bullied by mobile phone, it can be terrifying and feel like there is no escape. This new research reveals the massive scale of mobile bullying and shows how camera phones are being used by bullies to frighten and intimidate their victims.
“This extremely worrying phenomenon highlights the urgent need to tackle mobile bullying before it ruins more lives. Together, NCH and Tesco Mobile are determined to make a real difference.”
Tesco Mobile chief executive officer, Andy Dewhurst, comments: “We know how important the mobile phone is to young people. It is their contact with friends, their social life and an important way of being able to stay in touch with family. “However, sometimes the mobile phone is being used as a means of carrying out bullying. Our research showed more than a quarter of young people didn’t tell anyone when they had faced mobile bullying and one in 10 didn’t know where to go for help. “The interactive website and text-back service launched with NCH are the first steps in our campaign to combat mobile bullying and we believe it will make a difference.”
NCH and Tesco Mobile are also working closely with Tesco’s Computers for Schools scheme to determine parents’ and teachers’ understanding of mobile bullying and what information they require. Using data from this survey, an information pack will be sent to the 28,000 schools involved in the scheme.
- A total of 770 11 to 19 year olds were quizzed for the survey, which was carried out for NCH and Tesco by BMRB
- NCH is one of the UK’s leading children’s charities, working in partnership to run over 500 projects for more than 140,000 of the UK’s most vulnerable children, young people and their families. For further information visit www.nch.org.uk
- NCH is a member of the Anti Bullying Alliance (ABA) an independent body of 60 organisations. For more information, visit www.ncb.org.uk/aba
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